Helping couples manage their finances, emotions  

As a seasoned advisor, Glen Evans is highly attuned to the way couples behave in quarterly investment reviews, which he likes to call “a date night for finances.”  

“That’s really an opportunity for us to kind of check in with both parties,” said Evans, senior wealth advisor and portfolio manager with Evans Family Wealth, Wellington-Altus Private Wealth in Ottawa.  

“Part of our job as relationship managers, because that’s really what this comes down to, is we’re trying to make sure that both parties are engaged.” 

It’s especially important for advisors to spot — and correct — situations where couples don’t see eye to eye on their finances or aren’t equally involved in conversations about money because, as multiple studies have shown, financial disagreements can be detrimental to relationships.

A recent Ipsos poll found that 51% of Canadians said they would consider ending a relationship due to financial incompatibility. That survey, conducted between Jan. 24 and 28 on behalf of Simplii Financial, involved a sample of 1,501 Canadian adults. 

An online survey of 1,502 Canadians who are members of the Angus Reid Forum found that 47% argued with their partners about finances and 53% lost sleep after money-related fights. Money Mentors, a non-profit credit counselling and financial education agency in Alberta, issued the survey, which was conducted Feb. 4–5.  

Picking up on signs 

Advisors should take note of how couples behave in virtual or in-person quarterly client meetings, Evans said. 

For example, if one partner is less engaged in conversations than the other, there is likely a disconnect. Advisors can address this by asking questions and eliciting feedback from the couple, Evans recommended.  

“What we really want to see [is] both spouses nodding along with the subject matter that we’re covering,” he said. “This really comes down to how you can read people. … If we do quarterly reviews for 10 years with a client, you get to kind of understand what they’re thinking and how each has different priorities or different issues that you need to cover.”  

Ultimately, advisors need to create an environment where both partners feel comfortable articulating their financial stressors and goals. From there, they can work with the couple to build a financial plan that serves as a roadmap to achieve those goals, while also “allaying their concerns and building their confidence,” Evans said. 

He noted that partners don’t need to have exactly the same investment preferences or want their individual accounts managed the same way, but they should agree on the basics of a financial plan. This includes when they would like to retire, how much money they would like to earn in retirement income and what their estate plans are.  

“So, we’re doing the financial planning and the investment package at a joint level, but we’re meeting each individual person’s needs in that process,” Evans said. 

Terry Lynn Adamson, portfolio manager, senior wealth advisor with Adamson Wealth Group, iA Private Wealth, in Fonthill, Ont., is also a fan of having both joint and separate accounts. 

When the topic comes up with clients, Adamson said she recommends having a joint bank account that covers the couple’s non-discretionary household expenses including bills, retirement savings and money set aside for purchasing a home. She also recommends having personal spending accounts for discretionary expenses, which can give each partner some independence.  

“We don’t typically get involved in actually calculating their bills and stuff for them, we just give them the homework,” Adamson noted.  

Homework, she said, is one tactic she uses to get both partners engaged.  

If one partner is not attending client meetings, she asks the partner who is showing up to take their homework, discuss it with their partner and complete it. She will even follow up to ask if the couple has discussed the homework and whether they have any questions. After doing this, she said she has seen several partners start showing up to meetings.  

Adamson said she also watches for situations where one client is dominating the conversation, or stops coming to meetings. 

She also notices when partners share conflicting answers or their body language suggests disagreement.

“Most people won’t fight in front of you, but a lot of times we can tell that they’re not on the same page. Also, sometimes they avoid us. We get a little suspicious when clients are avoiding us, because we think that maybe there’s something going on that they’re not wanting to face,” Adamson said.  

In these situations, she strives to foster open discussions to ensure that both partners feel welcome, heard and are informed about their finances.  

“The biggest thing is listening to them and asking them questions. So even when one partner is quiet, directing the conversation to them and asking them what they think or how they feel,” Adamson explained.  

“With women, it’s easier to ask, ‘How do you feel about this?’ It’s a little tougher with the guys, but [advisors should be] asking them how they feel and encouraging them to participate in the conversation in some way.”

Open communication 

Sometimes the engaged partner can be the problem too, Adamson said, as they can be domineering or feel it’s their responsibility to look after their family.  

“We see this in some cultures, where it’s the man’s role and responsibility to look after their family financially, and they don’t even understand the implications of that. So sometimes we have to help them understand that by them controlling everything and not involving their spouse, that they’re actually doing harm to their spouse,” she said.  

In estate planning discussions, she advises her clients that this kind of imbalance only works if the partner who is solely handling the finances is healthy and alive. Adamson will even share her personal experience of loss to drive home the point, noting that she thinks sharing these experiences can help solidify relationships with clients.  

“Personally, I have lost a spouse, and … after I went through that grieving period, it was super amazing that we had everything in order, that I didn’t have to deal with anything,” she said.  

“I can’t even imagine going through that grief with beneficiaries not being named on our accounts, or no will, or an invalid will, not having joint bank accounts, not having anything looked after. It would have been horrendous during a period where already it was very difficult to cope.” 

When advisors facilitate questions about money, they are holding both partners accountable to have those conversations. And “the more those conversations happen, the easier they become,” said Blair Evans, assistant vice-president, tax and estate planning with IG Wealth Management in Winnipeg. 

“Open communication is always, always really important,” he said.  

Evans suggested starting out by asking what stage a couple is at in their relationship and where they are in the process of planning their financial futures together. 

“The discussions often get more detailed as you move forward in the relationship, but even starting with something as simple as, what are your views on saving versus spending, and are those views consistent between both partners?” he explained.  

Since these conversations can feel overwhelming in the beginning, advisors can break these issues up into smaller components, he suggested.  

Advisors can also highlight the benefits of planning for the future together, Evans said. For example, when it comes to taxes, couples can pool their charitable donations or claim their medical expenses in one tax return to lower their overall family tax bill.  

Another point advisors should emphasize is the importance of preparing wills and powers of attorney so that couples can control where their assets would go if something unforeseen were to happen. They can also refer their clients to an estate planning professional or lawyer to make sure those documents are in place.  

“We all hope those events don’t happen, but in some situations, an adverse event might happen,” Evans said. “Making sure that you’re protecting yourself and your partner by having an up-to-date will and up-to-date power of attorney is a great gift.”